Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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