I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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