I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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