Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
