And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
