Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
