I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
