so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
