That's intense
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
