I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm passing your future prison.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
