is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
