screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
