Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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