He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
