I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
