I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
