We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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