Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
