i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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