Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
