We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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