I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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