he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
