Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
