well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your penis caused this!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
