Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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