We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
