Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
