12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
