my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
