I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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