I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So apparently I’m into choking now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
