how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
