Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
