Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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