You made me cry and you don't even care
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
