Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize