the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
