Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
