Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize