Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
