weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
