It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
