So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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