I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
