my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
