My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
