god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize