How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
