I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
