When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
