if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
