Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
