You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
