im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
