Only a mothe r could love this liver
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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