How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
