Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
