every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
