Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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