Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
