i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
