My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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