Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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