Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
