my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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