That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
