So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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